| The Ant and the Grasshopper |
| Original Version |
| |
| The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long. |
| Building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. |
| The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances |
| and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm |
| and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter so he |
| dies in the cold. |
| |
| Modern American Version |
| |
| Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press |
| conference and demands to know why the ant should be |
| allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and |
| starving. |
| |
| CBS, NBC and ABC show up to provide pictures of the |
| shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his |
| confortable home with a table filled with food. America |
| is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can it be that, in a |
| country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed |
| to suffer so? |
| |
| A representative of the NAAGB (The National Association |
| of Green Bugs) shows up on night line and charges the ant |
| with "green bias", and makes the case that the grasshopper |
| is the victim of 30 million years of greenism. |
| |
| Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, |
| and everybody cries when he sings "It's not easy being green". |
| Bill and Hillary Clinton make a special guest appearance |
| on the CBS Evening News to tell concerned Dan Rather |
| that they will do everything they can for the grasshopper |
| who has been denied the prosperity he deserves by those |
| who benefited unfairly during the Reagan summers, or as |
| Bill refers to it, the "Temperatures of the 80's". |
| |
| Richard Gephardt exclaims in an interview with Peter |
| Jennings that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the |
| grasshopper, and class for an immediate tax hike on the |
| ant to make him pay his "fair share." |
| |
| Finally, the EEOC drafts the "Economic Equity and |
| Anti-Greenism Act," retroactive to the beginning of |
| the summer. The ant is fined for failing to hire a |
| proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing |
| left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated |
| by the government. |
| |
| Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper |
| in a defamation suit of the grasshopper against the ant, and the case |
| is tried before a panel of federal judges that Bill appointed |
| from a list of single-parent welfare moms who can only |
| hear cases on Thursdays between 1:30 and 3 pm when |
| there are no talk shows scheduled. |
| |
| The ant loses the case. |
| |
| The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the |
| last bits of the ant's food while the governement house he's |
| in, which just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles |
| around him since he doesn't know how to maintain it. The |
| ant has disappeared in the snow. |
| |
| And on the TV, which the grasshopper bought by selling |
| most of the ant's food, they are showing Bill Clinton |
| standing before a wildy applauding group of Democrats |
| announcing that a new era of "fairness" has dawned in America. |
